Rest

I haven't blogged anything substantial in a long time.  This is partly due to busyness, partly exhaustion, and partly because I haven't known exactly how to say what I want to say.  Well, tonight I have the time, and though I am still tired, hope to find the words that I'm searching for.

The summer was a struggle for me.  It was a struggle of being away from the familiarity of camp.  It was scary, yet exciting getting a good look at the music industry and trying to see if I can fit somewhere into it.  It was a spiritual battle hearing lies that I will never succeed in music or life in general being responded to by God assuring me that 1) He's got a plan for me and is in control, but 2) that my concern should not be worldly success, only His glory.  These are both hard truths.

I did learn a lot though.  I took an Audio Engineering class here at Belmont just as an elective to better learn my way around the studio.  While this was good, I learned way more from my internship with Dennis Dearing at Menace Music.  He was very gracious to take me on this summer and I definitely learned a lot.  Dennis is mainly a producer, but the cool thing is that he does smaller indie projects so he does a lot of everything.  I saw a few projects through several different phases, including tracking, overdubs, programming, mixing, and mastering.  It was a great experience.

(I write what I'm about to write, not for pity, but to share with what God has been teaching me.)

Still, through all that learning, I left the summer very ready for school to start.  I thought that a routine and having all of my friends back around me would put me into a better place.  I tend to be able to quiet my mind if I can keep busy.  Unfortunately, my mind has just found other times to wander, namely when I'm trying to sleep.  I've been really tired physically, emotionally and spiritually.

To top all of that off, classes have been really frustrating.  I have had several classes that I have fell that I was back in high school in how I'm treated.  Everything is just tedious.  I should not have reading quizzes every week as a senior in college.  Thus my time has been consumed far more with things that I don't want to do over the things that I want to do senior year.

All of this together has led me to just a lot of unnecessary stress.  Yet over this week, God has managed to throw some things at me that have led to a lot more freedom in my life.  I was reading this Piper talk and was my mind was blown.  One of the main things I've struggled with is how my sin fits in with my being reborn.  I would keep reading all over the New Testament that I was no longer a slave to sin, yet felt claimed by it still.  Then Piper said this:

"The answer of verse 7: [death with Christ] goes first to the deepest root of slavery - not the lure of sin, but the blinding and hope-destroying guilt of sin, and says, "He who has died is justified from sin." The guilt is taken away before the lure is broken."

Now, if I take this into account and fully focus on my justification, I can realize that I am forgiven and stop striving (and consequently failing in that striving) for perfection on my own.  My eternal future is secure, what is this life if that is true?

The next day, in my time in Scripture, my study plan pointed me to Hebrews chapter 2, where I found these verses which say the same thing.

I know this has become long, but the point is to say that I am learning to rest in Christ and not rely on myself.  This is something that I know will continue to be my battle all my life, but I praise God now for what he has shown me this week.